Being Thankful

17 Dec

Yes I know this is a health and fitness blog but it’s about me too and today, I just need to write about something a little more personal…

I usually try to be an optimist and see the brighter side of things.  I give others advice about the powers of positive thinking and how things could always be worse and the importance of making the best out of every situation.  I have always done my best to be a positive role model to my children and to create positive energy for those around me.  I haven’t been successful in doing that lately.  There have been some changes in my life in the past months, not ones I have been happy to accept, but changes nonetheless.  I am not happy with the way I have handled these changes.  I knew they were coming so I should have properly prepared, but sometimes in life we just can’t prepare for things the way we’d like to.  I have gone from feelings of sadness to frustration and anger to just being depressed and not having any will to do much else other than sleep.  What happened you ask?  Well, there have been changes in my workplace.  Not a big deal right?  I know.  It shouldn’t be.  But for me it’s huge!  Anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVED my job!  I was that person on Sunday evening who couldn’t wait to start the new work week.  That, unfortunately, is no longer the case.  The people I happily worked for every single work day for over a decade are no longer here.  Their presence has been erased.  They have moved on to spend more time with their families.  I admire them and miss them like crazy.  There have been so many changes but I won’t get in to the boring details of all these changes because that’s not why I am writing this.  I am writing this as a wake up call.  A wake up call to me and maybe to one or more of you out there.

I am done feeling sorry for myself.  It is what it is and I can’t control the changes around me.  The only thing I can control is how I react to them.  I am done being miserable.  Things could be a lot worse.  I still have a job – I may not like it, but it still pays my salary.  I have a roof over my head and food on the table.  I am still surrounded by people who love me and most importantly, I still have my kids to come home to.  Life is too short and after a tragedy like what occurred in Newtown, Connecticut this past Friday, I am reminded of how precious life is and how lucky I am.  It reminds me to pay attention to all that I have to be thankful for.  I can’t even allow myself to think of what those parents are going through without breaking out in to tears, getting all choked up and feeling a stabbing pain in my heart.  The thought of it makes me ill.  The tears keep falling and I can’t stop them.  My children have seen it – it’s definitely not the first time they have seen me cry and it will not be the last.  I am not afraid of my kids seeing me sad.  It makes me human.  It helps them understand that it’s okay to cry.  It’s okay to share your feelings.  I have shared the pain of this tragedy with my children and expressed the importance of being good to people.  My daughter asked me why someone would do this to which I honestly responded “I don’t know baby.  I don’t know why anyone could do this.”  My son tried to explain to his sister that it was because the man was “mentally ill” (he has been hearing it in the media).  I tried to explain to my son that we know many mentally ill people that don’t kill others and wanted him to understand that not all mentally challenged people are capable of doing what was done to all these innocent people.  But my explanation didn’t go further than that.  There is no explanation.

I didn’t want this to be about the Sandy Hook tragedy.  This is supposed to be about me being thankful.  But let’s be honest, it was that tragedy that prompted me to write this article.  But I am thankful and I want everyone to know it.  I am thankful for my life and all the people in it.  I am thankful that I am able to wake up every morning and get out of bed.  As much as I don’t enjoy coming to work in the morning, I am thankful that I have a job.  But more importantly, I am thankful that I have the experience and determination and foresight to put the wheels in motion to make this the time I make a change for the better.  To pursue my lifelong passion – I know it will happen cause I have made it my mission to make sure that it does.  I am thankful for my growing family and my close circle of friends and for the man in my life who makes me smile each and every morning.  As much as it drives me crazy to hear my kids complaining about whether they’re bored, or they don’t like their lunch or are just arguing with each other for no reason at all, I am mostly thankful for them.  I am thankful that I can hear them, smell them, kiss them and hold them tight each and every day.  I am one of the lucky ones.  I can’t lose sight of that.  I don’t want to ever lose sight of that.

Take a moment during this holiday season, between all the complaining about how busy you are and how stressed you may be, and remind yourself what you have to be thankful for.  You may be amazed to realize just how many reasons there are…

Until next time.

Have a fit and fabulous day!




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